• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down
• A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
• Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground
• When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
• Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris
• Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

KIWAK WHAT NONSENSE HAVE I BEEN READING UP!?